Overcoming the Hurdle of Self-Doubt

It seems like eons since I’ve written. And to a point, that may be true.

For the past 2+ years, I’ve been slowly working away on a novel, but as of late a lot of life has been getting in the way. Earlier this spring, I launched my book to a group of beta readers. May I just say, I have never been so scared, so grateful, and so humbled in my life.

The responses were thoughtful, encouraging, and unbelievably helpful. I can’t say enough kind words for those who took the time to read and review my work. Since getting their feedback, life has gotten a little crazy. Between all of the events of summer with two littles, a week vacation to paradise, work stress, and a health scare – I’ve been overwhelmed.

My book has sat on the shelf (or rather buried in files untouched) until the last week or two. I’ve taken a stab at incorporating some of their feedback into the book. It has been a challenge because, frankly, I’ve lost motivation. It also has me questioning my next steps.

So what if I wrote this story? What good is it if no one ever reads it? Anyone who has ever created anything knows the mental hurdles it takes to put yourself out there. Plagued by “what if it sucks?”  and “what if no one cares?”

I wrote this story under the idealistic notion that it might help someone who struggled the way I once had. But what if it doesn’t? Or worse: What if it can help, and the folks who are struggling never pick it up?

Long story short: I need to get over myself, kick it in high gear, and get the finishing touches put on so I can release this into the wild. I’ve gone back and forth on whether I try to solicit an agent, go direct to a publisher, or take the easy and safe route and self-publish.

Some options are expensive, some are a LONG shot, and some are very limited in resources and distribution. Needless to say, I am committed to getting everything finalized and making a decision by the end of the year.

It wouldn’t be a “Grateful” blog without thanking the support system that has lifted me in recent weeks. I shared a truly magical vacation with an incredible group of friends. My boys were blessed with a bonus aunt, who gets excited about pumpkin patches and back-to-school shopping, and a gaggle of cousins, aunts, and uncles that make every family outing special.

But most of all, I wouldn’t be me without my boys. Every goodnight kiss, “I love you, mommy,” and prayer around the dinner table, warms my heart. Thanks to my husband and sons for inspiring me every day to keep going. With any luck, I’ll have a book to share with the world soon.