A Time For Reflection

While my days of wrangling “two under two” are officially over, the chaos is far from it. My oldest is celebrating his second birthday tomorrow and with this milestone comes a lot of reflection for mom.

During a recent work activity, I was asked to bring an object that has meaning to me -- kind of like Show and Tell for adults, but in a really unique way. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to showcase that represents who I am.

I finally landed on an old leather-bound journal I started years ago and never finished. The first entries date all the way back to 2018, which was a difficult time in my life. Anyone who knew me then probably had no idea the burden I was carrying, but deep down I was living a life of quiet desperation.

I was struggling with infertility, and beyond that felt I had lost touch with the creative side of me that gave me life. Simply put, I felt stuck. Life was a stagnant thing, where nothing ever changed. I got up every day, put my head down, went to work, paid the bills, and just survived.

It was tough rereading those lines, but yet it was good to revisit that time in my life. Sometimes you don’t realize how far you’ve come until you look back at where you started. Since then I have made mistakes, changed things that weren’t working, and fixed things that were broken.

I became more intentional about utilizing my creativity and really focusing on my writing. That alone has paid out in dividends. Maybe there hasn’t been some great monetary benefit (I’m not writing bestsellers by any means), but somehow my soul is lighter when I can create things.

The best example of this is my most recent passion project, a novel based loosely on that chapter of my life. I’ve taken a look at a lot of things I wrote during that time and used the emotion behind those words to bring my character to life. I feel this exercise has been a healing experience for me, to truly reflect and process what I went through during those years.

I have always been so quick to hide everything that I feel, but there’s a sense of freedom when you open yourself up to vulnerability. I had a couple of rough years and maybe there’s someone out there that can learn from my mistakes, or simply hear my story and know they aren’t alone.

I only have about a quarter of the book finished to date, but it’s lighting a fire within me. I haven’t been this excited about a project in a long time. I fervently wish that everyone could find that one thing they are passionate about and chase it.

And that is how I intend to spend the coming year: chasing dreams, making memories and creating “pretty things.”

From my crazy family to yours, have a happy holiday season! May your Christmas be bright, and may your new year be filled with new opportunities, wonder, and always gratitude.